Script

This is my script.
I'm not sure about the title right now, but I've called it "43% alcohol", even though Metho must contain more alcohol than that in order to be flammable... I think.

Anyway!

43% Alcohol


Scene 1:
INT: Jamie’s apartment

An dilapidated apartment, with garbage strewn across the floor. The kitchen sink is clogged with thick, brown water. There are stains on the floor, the ceiling, the wall and the furniture. The wall-paper is coming off the walls, which are cracked and have moss and fungus growing in the corners. There are insects creeping all around, especially under the garbage left on the floor and around the overflowing bin too small for the amount of garbage in the room. Stuff is rotting and there are visible stink lines coming from certain parts of the room. Pizza boxes and empty beer cans are strewn everywhere.


JAMIE and LEON are sitting down next to their untouched guitars, sculling their last two cans of beer. Neither of them are feeling drunk yet.

LEON
“Oi, when are you getting your cheque from centrelink? I don’t even feel tipsy on this shit!”

JAMIE
“At least I’ve bothered to apply for centrelink. But I don’t get money ‘til next week.”

LEON
“Then what the fuck are we going to do until then?”

Pause.

JAMIE
“Metho?”

JAMIE and LEON look at each other and both nod, looking smug.
JAMIE gets up and walks over to the cupboard under the sink, where he retrieves a bottle of methylated spirits and brings it back with two grimy shot glasses. He sits down and they both nod and say “yeeaaah!” enthusiastically, like what they’re about to do is such an awesome idea. LEON takes a shot and gags.

LEON
“Oh fuck, it’s horrible!”

JAMIE
“You wimp! This doesn’t taste any different from Vodka.”






Scene 2:
INT: Jamie’s apartment

Same place, a short time later.

Time has passed and now Jamie and Leon are drunk. They are sitting on the floor discussing how their band is going to be awesome.

JAMIE
“Leon! Y’know, y’know, we’re gon be the next Led Zeppelin, Leon, bro.”

LEON
“You’re a Zeppelin!”

JAMIE
“What?”

LEON
“I’m fuckin’ hungry. Let’s get pizza!”

JAMIE
“I’ve got no money to pay, just find something.”

LEON
“Ah, fuck ya.”

LEON gets up and walks to the kitchen, toppling piles of junk off the counter in search of food. He eventually finds a loaf of stale bread from several weeks ago. He opens it up and takes two slices out. He bangs them against the corner of the counter, making a loud thumping noise because the bread is that stale.

LEON
“This needs some extra flavour…”

LEON pours methylated spirits all over the bread until it’s soggy. He then puts both slices of bread into the toaster and turns it on. The toaster immediately bursts into flames and LEON leaps back in surprise, yelping.

Cut to JAMIE in the toilet, listening to LEON’s muffled cries. He comes out of the toilet and sees the kitchen on fire. LEON is screaming and frantically trying to put the fire out with methylated spirits. The fire spreads all over the counter and the surrounding garbage begins to burn.

LEON
“Jamie! Jamie! The house is on fire!”

JAMIE
“What did you do!?”

LEON
“Help!”

JAMIE
“Use water, idiot!”

LEON tries to turn the kitchen sink’s taps on, but they either won’t turn because they’re rusted into place, or they just break off.

LEON
“The taps don’t work!”

JAMIE
“Dude, bail!”

LEON and JAMIE run to the front door, and after a struggle, manage to open it and run out. They run back into the room, re-appearing from a different door leading to a bedroom or closet.

LEON
“What the fuck just happened!?”

JAMIE
“Dunno, man! Keep running!”

LEON and JAMIE run through the front door again, with the same result.

JAMIE
“Go this way!”

JAMIE and LEON repeat the process in reverse, and this time come out of the front door.

JAMIE
“It’s like we’re stuck in here!”

LEON
“Call triple zero!”

JAMIE
“I’m too drunk to remember the number!”

LEON
“Just call someone!”

JAMIE
“Okay!”

JAMIE runs over to the telephone and calls a random number.

PERSON
“Hello?”

JAMIE
“Help! My apartment’s on fire and we can’t get out!”

PERSON
“What?”

JAMIE
“Help me!”

LEON
“I gotta get outta here, Jamie!”

LEON opens the apartment window and jumps outside. JAMIE drops the phone and runs over the window.

JAMIE
“Leon, no!”

LEON
“Aaaaaah!”

JAMIE watches curiously as LEON falls, is teleported above the window, and falls again, endlessly. Eventually JAMIE grabs him and pulls him back inside. LEON collapses on the ground with his head in his hands.

LEON
“We’re going to die…”

JAMIE sits down next to LEON, holding a fresh bottle of methylated spirits.

JAMIE
“Hey, Leon…”

LEON looks up and sees the bottle of methylated spirits. He shrugs and takes a glass. JAMIE and LEON toast their glasses and enjoy the very short remainder of their lives drinking even more methylated spirits.